Why dating apps don't work in 2025
“I'm a 27f. I'm on 3 dating apps and I've hardly matched with guys whose profiles I like; and most matches NEVER even reply.” Dating feels so tedious nowadays when it should be fun and exciting. The real reason might be the way we meet people nowadays: the dating apps themselves. And more and more people are waking up to the fact that dating apps don’t work, and aren’t making dating easier for us.
Isn’t it wild how many women end up saying, “I’m done with dating” after a string of exhausting online experiences? But here’s the thing - they’re usually not giving up on dating itself. They just no longer want to play a game that has them feeling frustrated, unseen, and emotionally drained. And honestly? You can’t blame them. Women are beginning to recognise that dating apps are not just annoying, but may in fact be harmful to our mental health, and do not work.
So let’s look at why dating apps aren’t just frustrating, but why they harm your well-being and why they might be making you feel worse instead of better - and what you can do instead.
Why are dating apps failing so many people?
You may have heard about the callous algorithm, but let’s look at the lesser known reasons for why dating apps don't work.
1. Dating apps are addictive, but not satisfying
Dating apps are designed to keep you swiping. Users often show symptoms similar to those seen in gambling addiction. Like slot machines, they tap into your brain’s reward system and create a loop: You never know when you’ll get a match, so you keep chasing the next match for the next dopamine kick. And addictive behaviour has been linked to increased anxiety, depression, and emotional burnout.
Ultimately, dating apps are businesses first - their main goal isn’t to help you find your soulmate, it’s to keep you engaged and as a subscriber for as long as possible. The longer put up with the app, the more money they make. It’s not your fault if it’s not working. It’s built that way. That’s why the average experience feels so “meh” - just good enough to keep you hopeful, but rarely fulfilling enough to make you delete the apps.
2. Dating apps mess with your mental health
The real issue is that we don’t think, this doesn’t work for me. Instead, we blame ourselves. Is something wrong with me? Am I too picky? Are my standards too high?
The consequences are severe: A recent study suggests that dating app users commonly experience higher levels of anxiety, emotional distress or even depression than people who don’t use them.
Swiping supports constant comparison to others. When you're one of thousands of faces on a dating app, it's no surprise you may feel like you're not enough. There will always be someone with better looking, funnier, or with more interesting pictures (we’ve all seen *those* profiles with professionally taken photos).
No wonder dating apps are depressing. The whole process of online dating feels artificial. You’re putting yourself out there for strangers to see and half the time, you’re wondering if the person on the other end is even who they say they are. Many women also report feeling used, like they’re being advertised on a shelf.
And displaying your private photos, personal data and interests/preferences for the whole world to see also doesn’t sit right. This information has traditionally only been reserved for people we trust and want to connect with.
Another big difference is that the focus in dating has shifted: people spend more time working up perfect profiles than building connection.
We are not built to meet people in this way. One Redditor notes, “the problem with dating apps is that they are inorganic. How are women supposed to select a partner based on looks, a basic bio, and a cheesy pickup line?”
3. Dating apps create decision fatigue
Too many choices leave us unable to decide. With dating apps, you have the feeling that something better could come along which makes it hard to commit to one person. Never before have we had access to such a vast dating pool at the click of a button. Previously, proximity has served as the natural filter. Apps mess with our natural instincts:. We start questioning our instincts. Was the first person actually great? Maybe. But you're already onto the next profile.
4. The quality of interactions on dating apps is declining
With more users and less effort per match, and the algorithm doing its thing, the overall quality of interactions is dropping. When in the early days, online dating led to actual conversations, nowadays many people use apps out of boredom and for validation, not genuine interest. Screens create distance and there is no real accountability. Unlike in in-person interactions, it’s easy to disappear when you’ve never looked someone in the eyes.
The result? Shallow conversations and low follow-through.
5. Real-life chemistry? Still essential.
On a good day, dating apps still only get you as far as the first date. Everything else, the chemistry and mutual attraction is still only decided when meeting in person. Many women will fantasise about the type of person they hope someone to be, only to be disappointed when they finally meet them in real life.
This often leads to great disappointment, much greater than going out with someone you have previously met. What is more, it leads us to associate dating as such with great disappointment. But just because dating apps don't work, dating doesn't have to be this way.
This begs the question: What if we skipped the apps and just started there? In a time when people are rethinking everything, from what they eat to how they spend their time, organic dating is emerging as a new defiant trend in 2025, a quiet rebellion to take back control over how we meet our partners.
6. Our IRL social skills suffer
The more we rely on dating apps, the less we use our social skills that us humans have built over generations - things like eye contact, reading body language, flirting, and showing vulnerability.
And the less practice we get, the more awkward it feels to meet someone face-to-face. We avoid interacting because it feels uncomfortable, and interacting feels all the more uncomfortable because we’ve stopped practising.
The result? People are glued to their phones, moving through the world like robots - afraid to even make eye contact.
But there are ways to make yourself more approachable and invite connection. Women are wearing the SINGLE cap, a stylish accessory that shows they are single and open to connection to get approached more and there are many practical tips on how to get approached you can incorporate into your everyday life if you are wondering how to date without dating apps.
Why dating apps don't work: FAQs
Here's our take on common questions about why dating apps don’t work:
Why do dating apps feel so exhausting?
Because they are. The constant swiping, the pressure to be original, the ghosting are emotionally and mentally draining. Many dating app users report a burnout from dating apps after just a few weeks.
It's no surprise more people are wondering what to do if you hate dating apps.
Are dating apps hurting our ability to form healthy relationships?
Yes. Studies show that dating apps encourage surface-level attraction and erode long-term trust. You often match with someone based on looks and a short bio, not real attraction or shared values. On the other hand, those who met IRL are more likely to build a long-term relationship because their connection starts from a stronger foundation and a shared experience.
Why does dating feel so much harder nowadays?
Because we’ve replaced spontaneous encounters with online dating - there is no need to talk to or look at anyone anymore, we can meet people online. Our social skills have gotten worse. In a world where people are afraid to make the first move, everyone ends up waiting and no one makes the effort to connect IRL. That's why it can take significantly more courage than it ever used to - the SINGLE cap makes it easier to be approached. Organic dating is emerging as a quiet rebellion: it goes back to how meeting people used to be.
Why dating apps don't work: final thoughts
If you’ve felt burnt out, disconnected, or just over online dating - your instincts are right. Dating apps don’t work for everyone, and more people are waking up to that - this is why you also won’t find many great singles on dating apps. Real-life dating might feel scarier at first, but it’s often way more rewarding.
So start small. Smile. Say hi. Wear the SINGLE cap if you’re nervous about sending the signal. But most of all, remember: you're allowed to want more than a match. You're allowed to want something real.